Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize