i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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