I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
