probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
