You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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