So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
