dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
