Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
