I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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