Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
