omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
