First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
