Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
