you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
