At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
