just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
