I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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