It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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