I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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