Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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