her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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