Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hippo gnu deer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
