I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
