Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
