I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
