you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
