Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
