slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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