I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
