We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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