Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
