Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
