If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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