I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
