I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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