i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
