if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize