it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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