I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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