jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
