apparently the secret to your success is patron
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
