The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
4 words: hood of his car
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
