My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize