i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
