Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
