also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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