Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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