On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
