You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
