i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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