I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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