Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
