One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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