some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
