i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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