We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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