what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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