turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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