i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
