Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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