let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
