Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize