she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
