i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
