I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
