Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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