can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
