We won't sleep together?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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