Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
